Wow. This has been a rollercoaster of a day. I won't go into it all, but in a nutshell I've been extremely stressed for the last week or so, and it's just been building up more and more until today, it finally reached its peak. I lost it. I cried. That's a big deal for me. I felt totally and completely hopeless. It was just too much. I didn't even want to take the next step. But I did.
In the hours that have passed since that moment of utter despair, God has slowly instilled a sense of peace in me. I know that he closed some doors [rather brutally] on me for a reason, and I know that he knows what I need better than I do. It's odd, in the past I've tried to make myself believe that kind of thing, but this time it just happened.
This is a verse that I cling to a lot, but the last part has never been real to me until today: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." [Philippians 4:6-7]
The peace that I feel right now truly does surpass my understanding. It must be from God. I'm too neurotic [there's the psych major in me] to get there on my own. It's funny how it had to build up to the point where I had no choice but to accept that I was powerless before God stepped in and rescued me. Maybe he wanted to teach me a lesson. He is in control, not me. And when he does let me have control, my life is a mess. Thank goodness I have him. I cannot handle this life all by my lonesome, that's for darn sure.
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